The burgers are free-all day, every day-at the Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, AZ. The only catch is you have to weigh at least 350 lbs. The fake nurse who weighs you is young, hot, and female. All guests, regardless of weight, are called “patients,” and are “admitted” by the “nurses,” who dress them in bibs that look like hospital gowns. Strategically placed mirrors behind the counter provide patients with heart-stopping views of fake-nurse crotch.
The menu includes unfiltered cigarettes and milkshakes reputed to have the highest fat content in the world, but burgers are the main attraction. They range from the Single through the Quadruple Bypass, based on the number of patties they contain, with two pieces of cheese for each patty, between buns shiny with lard. If you finish an 8,000-calorie Quadruple Bypass Burger, a fake nurse will push you by wheelchair all the way to your car. On a recent visit, Zach Fowle of the Phoenix New Times reported watching one customer eat two Quadruples. “The guy has the meat sweats and looks like he might spew at any minute. It’s a good thing he’s getting wheeled out, because it looks like he can barely walk,” Fowle observed. The burgers come with all-you-can-eat “Flatliner Fries,” which are cooked in lard and smothered with cheese and/or gravy.
In every fiber of its being (perhaps fiber is the wrong word), the Heart Attack Grill is a one-fingered salute to the health food movement. That’s the idea anyway, according to owner Jon Basso.